NETFLIX Announces FIVE Brand New Shows They Will Cancel After Three Seasons


LOS GATOS, CA - This week Netflix CEO Reed Hastings kicked the doors of the headquarters’ press room open, jumped on the stage, and begin screaming about five brand new upcoming shows the streaming service had recently acquired. Two of which are written and produced by stand-up comedians no one has even heard of yet. The other three are a series based on an unpublished 1980’s Dean Koontz novel, a show based in the 90’s about kids becoming teenagers and, a revival of ABC’s Who’s The Boss.
A red-faced Hastings continued to give details about how all five would be cancelled after three seasons, no matter how much subscribers were enjoying them. “You think I give a good God damn,” Hastings ranted to rows of empty chairs, “just ask Marvel! Oh… Oh, you never got resolution of Everything Sucks? Tough shit!” After kicking a trash can placed next to the podium on stage, Hastings concluded, “Go ahead and cancel… You-you can go get YouTube Red, or whatever it’s called, you can enjoy all the show they have… Bullshit”
He then jumped off stage, spit on the floor, and as he exited with as much flare as he entered, the single custodian vacuuming at the back of the press room removed her headphone and shrugged.

Posted on March 3, 2019 .